My Wonderwall is my Life
by Cristal-Haven
Summary: A beautiful, glamorous, notorious author hides her lost soul behind glory, fame, and beauty. She turns into a seductive wealthy vixin creating a false image to guise her loneliness and sorrow if being in a life without a true love or goal(s). As she wonderwalls about her life she realizes she isn't really living and is confused about the lost of her first love.


**This is inspired by of The Great Gatsby.**

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The perfection i found could not be described through any other words besides mine. That perfection is only you, there is nothing greater than the feelings you cast upon me. Only i can feel the love you give i was consumed by your overwehming connection. You fuel my desires with your passion and creativity. But your love is the most hungry appeal. I let it swallow me whole.

I let it so easily do so because your love,its drive, made me most of all those eyes they burn like a candle wrapped within a blanket of smoke. Like crystals in caves. Like... "ughhh this is shit! God like anyone is going to read any of this shit!" Tossing the crumbled piece of paper into the fire,the young writer watched as the flames burned the paper written with her desires.

She saw how it turned it into ashes. She viewed it as if the flames were her world eating her desires. But she thought as though ashes were there, almost as if they were speaking to her saying, "although the world has burned my desires it can never completley destroy them they are just a different form. Like those ashes. They were paper still but burned." She lets those flames eat away her universe while she grabs her White Russian.

She adds more vodka and sits in the corner of the room gazing at those flames letting a angry face come upon her brow. She is angry but she lets every tear of hers fall to the wooden floor. She embraces the reality that her guilt is the only emotion in her life that she is letting control her daily actions. She sets her drink on the side table while she grabs the bottle of vodka and lays on the floor by the roaring fire sipping and crying. Although she was lost in her life, Valerie, was as beautiful as ever, she was strong for many years, but lost that strength after her realization that her life was just based on one goal finding the love of her life.

It wasnt until one day a friend of hers told her that she dosent worry about realationships that she would rather, and was, nurishing her talents. Being progressive and enjoying life. Valerie was not jealous of her friend but confused on how her goals were so autopiloted and bland. She felt as if her friend was on autopiolet just trying to become famous and squeeze her way into life. She thought to herself 'were is the emotion? The love of life?  
The love for another? The love of beauty around us? Where was the love?' Valerie was a person who was very artistic and outgoing but she could never see why men just didnt fall in love with her beauty and personality like the other women who had the same attributes. Now on that day in that summertime heat were her and her friend sat on that deck in maryland being eaten alive by mosquitos reality came and stabbed her in the heart. She realized people saw it through her eyes when she wasnt really there, when she was in space, they saw the pure lonliness and the waves of sadness stricken upon her beautiful face in her daydreams.

That was just it. The realitly, reality was realizing her goals were just daydreams not exactly set goals. For example if anyone asked her what she wanted to be when she grows up or what her carrer was she would say to be happy and see the beauty in life. Or that her carrer would be being happy and building the perfect life for herself and her loved ones. They were different they were just larger aspects than what people really meant. She did not know where to go or what goals she should set. She felt as if she wasted her life so far.  
She wanted to be positive and "i will get it right this time around." But she just did not know how to be progressive her life. Her life pretty much consited until this point of being nortorious and glamourous. She was a poker player, a drink master, a videogame aoholic, a artist, a writer, and a beautiful women. She was interesting but she didnt know how to take those intrests and turn them into a living. She was as lost as a little girl lost from her mother in crowd.

as flash backs of the innocence of her childhood plays like a soap opera in her mind all drunken and with golden eyes she manages to whimper "i dont need this life, i just need somebody to die for!" Over and over until she could almost see the words. It was either the vodka or rum from early that day that was playing tricks on her when she heard her lovers voice ring in her ears.


End file.
